Why Women Should Postpone their Education
These days, I have been studying male-female relationship dynamics from an anthropological perspective and came across this one idea that I felt was worth sharing.
As women continue their education without looking for marriage, two things happen: they get older and their standards increase.
As a result, the husbands the women want are at the woman's socioeconomic level or above, so as you move up the ladder, you are not satisfied with a partner who is below you on the ladder. This is a manifestation of a female mating strategy known as hypergamy which involves the female being attracted to a male with higher education, wealth, status, strength, etc. than herself in order to protect herself and her offspring (see link below) and want to be 'led' from this perspective. Thus with increased status of the woman, the total amount of unmarried males the female is willing to marry decreases.
Not only do her standards change, but so does she. Men primarily look for beauty and youth, indicators of fertility in their partners, and not PhDs. So as she ages, and gets her PhD at an average age of 33, she becomes less desirable for men (read link below). The men that the educated woman prefers will take the best mate. He will prefer the who is the most beautiful (youthful), and not the one who has a PHD.
One quote from a Kenyan female PhD candidate's piece that I linked below made me laugh:
"It then hits her that she is 35 and not even in a relationship, and starts giving men more attention. However, she wonders why the men she dates do not shower her with praise because of her high level of education. Instead, the first question they ask on most dates is whether she loves to cook."
If, as a woman, you prioritize urgent further education for occupational success over finding a high quality mate, then no one is stopping you from it! But if you prioritize finding a high quality mate over urgent further education for occupational success, then the above argument suggests that you use your beauty (youth) to your own advantage to obtain the best mate now and postpone occupational success!
Although, statistics in the USA show that women with a bachelor's degree are most likely to be married (Reeves, Sawhill, Krause from Brookings.edu) and make better parents (Livingston from Facttank). Although experience and knowledge would help a woman to be a better parent, in my opinion, the association between successful pursuit of an undergraduate degree and being a successful parent is far more potent than the causal relationship. This is because both the motivated student and the motivated parent have strong direction in their lives and prior to further education. Essentially, the relationship between further education and successful parenting exists because you need to work hard to do both; its just that today, because of modern femenism, most hard workers go do undergrad prior to parenthood. And as a result, there are too many educated women and not enough suitable men for marriage.
Hence, "Where have all the good guys gone?".
Should women for the sake of a stable marriage (assuming hypergamy is true) delay further education (such as a PhD) right after basic education, only to continue pursuit of their lengthy ambitions after a few years into their marriages? It is not impossible but it does take some planning!
I know a couple who did this and currently participate in a very loving and smooth relationship! She got married out of high school, had children, then went back to college to pursue an undergraduate degree! She reported that she did have to talk to her husband about the amount of children she wanted to have because she wanted to continue school soon. She is proud of her decision and claims, 'she got the best of both worlds'. She realized that she could have children, nurture them, and experience life with her children better when she was relatively young and not in a professional career and that a professional career can be sought after at any point in her life. She values education and she says she will instill this value into her children as well.
"It's not easy to juggle school, marriage and children but it's possible and the best part of it all is that your able to focus more on your end goal because as a mother now you have more responsibilities," she says, "And also having an open communication between spouses is a key to having a fulfilling relationship. And at times it might seem that your neglecting your house duties because of school, the key is being able to communicate through those downfalls and reminding each other that you're a team"
I thanked her for her insight.
Therefore, I suggest that women at least consider the pros and cons about getting married later! Examples of manifestations of this include: getting married before an undergraduate degree or before professional school or even before/during residency for med students. Once a woman is psychologically mature, she shouldn't wait until 30 to keep her options open!
Moving on to how this relates to Islam:
And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing. (Qur’an 24:32)
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means...[The verse continues] (Quran Muhsin Khan Translation 4:34)
The first verse is pretty self explanatory: get the single folk married ASAP.
The second verse however is fascinating in the context of hypergamy yet offensive in the context of feminism. One of the translations for qawwamun (used to describe men relative to women) is 'a degree above'. Feminists argue men and women although biologically different, ought to be culturally equal and thus the Quran, from this verse, perhaps supports the oppressive patriarchy and this would cause cognitive dissonance in the minds of liberal Muslims.
Yet, hypergamy necessitates that the woman would marry a man who is 'a degree above' or equal to the woman. If we take this position, which is an empirical anthropological reality, then the Quran is consistent with reality. I will discuss this verse with more anthropological evidence of course, I have only touched the very beginning of it! We can invent a philosophy that we think is better for ourselves than the one proposed by God, but that doesn't change the truth:
And indeed We have created man, and We know what his own self whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by Our Knowledge). (Quran Muhsin Khan Translation 50:16)
I am putting three links: the first is a lengthy read defending my assumptions of discrepancies between genders (hypergamy for example), and the second is the video that presented the concept mentioned above and the last is an example of the female Kenyan PhD candidate struggling with this issue!
P.S. it is 20 minutes long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr6RhncVFJo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr6RhncVFJo
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